Neurosis, ansiedad y ataques de pánico en mujeres embarazadas.

I want to tell my story. I am 38 years old, I live normally, work and home, everything is ok in the family. We couldn’t get pregnant for a long time, doctors, hormones, everything and then the news in May 2021 - I’m pregnant. Now I am 35 weeks. From about 24-26 weeks, 3rd trimester, (approximately mid-November 2021) I began to have nightmares that I was being strangled and I was suffocating. I woke up, my heart was racing, I was in terrible panic, I was rushing around the apartment, I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I want to say in advance that I myself am not a calm person, I have been familiar with panic attacks for a long time, but they hit me in the subway, traffic jams, a stuck elevator or, on the contrary, in a very open space, on bridges, etc., they manifested themselves in a wild heartbeat, a sharp urge to go to the toilet, breaking into a sweat, etc. But I learned to live with it, or rather, I avoided such situations, or if I got into it, as soon as I got out of it, everything calmed down and immediately passed... And then the panic stopped leaving me. On the 5th night without sleep (I didn’t believe that this was possible in principle!) I already thought that I was really going crazy. You can’t take any medications, they scare a pregnant woman. I went to the doctors, first the gynecologist - he throws up his hands, doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me, looks like I’m a fool, the cardiologist - my heart is okay, they sent me to a psychiatrist - he prescribed gidazepam 0.05, to drink in anxious moments (so that it works faster under the tongue to dissolve) and bisoprolol 0.5 tablets, also under the tongue, this is for tachycardia. Well, I think I'll finally get some sleep. I took gidazepam at night, and it relieved my anxiety a little, it became easier, but I still had no sleep! I’m going back to the psychiatrist, he says, when you give birth, come back and I’ll take it all away for you in a week with antidepressants. I'm telling myself more than 2 months! I can't stand it! In short, my state at that moment: I lost sleep, a couple of hours a day, during the day I had constant anxiety, the feeling that I was going crazy, I began to be afraid of everything: the dark, my apartment, sleep, as soon as it started to get dark - panic began, I was covered, a bunch of triggers appeared, like if I put on this T-shirt, I definitely won’t fall asleep... I couldn’t be in company, I was covered by PA, just hell on earth, I wouldn’t wish this to my enemy to experience. No appetite, started to lose weight, fear for the child, feeling of guilt, how all this affects him. From a happy woman with whom everything is ok, I turned into an unhappy, murdered creature with the eyes of a sick dog. My husband doesn’t understand, my mother is horrified. Everyone around seemed happy, but I forgot what it was like to smile.. They advised me to go to a psychologist. Of course, it’s expensive, and in our country (Ukraine) and in general in the post-Soviet space, it’s somehow not customary to go to psychologists and psychiatrists, but I no longer had the strength to endure it. After the first lesson, a lot became clear: firstly, I’m definitely not going crazy, this is some kind of neurosis, or rather my diagnosis is generalized anxiety disorder, it can be treated, it goes away, but alas, not quickly. Why did this happen? Of course, it all started much earlier than the loss of sleep, firstly hormones, and secondly my anxious nature. I take everything to heart, I was very worried during pregnancy, there was a bad first screening, there was a suspicion of a terrible syndrome in the child, they sent me for a puncture, while I waited for the results of this puncture I thought I would die, but it turned out that everything was fine, everything seemed to be forgotten.. it seems. then I was worried that it was moving a lot, then it was moving a little, I ran around for an ultrasound scan a little... This is my general anxiety, previous PAs and probably hormones played such a cruel joke on me. Some doctors also associate this with the vaccine; I took one dose of Pfizer 2 weeks before it all started for me. But this is all in the air, maybe so or maybe not. What now: I’ve been going to a psychologist for a month, 2-3 times a week, at first it started to get better, I came to understand the situation, what was wrong with me, this made it much easier! + it turned out that I was terrified of childbirth and, in general, lifestyle changes, loss of freedom, a whole mess. But this is individual, my personal.. Sorry, there’s a lot of text, but I don’t know how to briefly describe this hell. I want to help all girls, especially pregnant women, with some advice that helped me: - if it completely covers, then 0.5 tablets of gidazepam or a whole one and a Donormila tablet (sleeping pills, advised by the gynecologist), I have this approximately once a week. - go to a psychologist or psychotherapist, look for someone who deals with anxiety disorders, PA, etc. - you CAN take pills, you don’t have to be afraid of it, of course, without fanaticism, but your child’s deranged state is much worse than an occasional tranquilizer. - our doctors are incompetent, it’s difficult to find sensible ones, + they don’t want to take risks and take on treatment for pregnant women, although it is not uncommon for pregnant women to be prescribed antidepressants and much more. - go for consultations to specialized clinics, to psychiatrists with experience, as a rule, at the local clinic they will shrug their shoulders. There is no need to be ashamed or afraid of this. - don’t be silent, talk to your friends, family, this makes it easier, don’t carry it inside yourself, you might end up going crazy. - a psychologist prescribes therapy, and doing exercises, keeping diaries, writing down thoughts, observing yourself, all this little by little helps to put your thoughts in order. - the psychologist taught breathing methods, explained that PA actually lasts about 5 minutes at most (adrenaline is released) and then we scare ourselves.. the attitude towards PA is changing, I thought this was the worst thing. But the worst thing is constant, impenetrable anxiety. I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to buy baby things, I don’t want to eat anything, I don’t want to go for walks, nothing distracts me. - read the forums, you are not alone, there are many of us, this makes it easier, everyone shares their stories. - listen to psychologist Alexey Krasikov online, I bought his course online, it’s called Basic, I just started listening, he himself went through PA, he explains simply, clearly, it won’t hurt either. You can just watch his videos on YouTube or Instagram, read comments from people experiencing similar things. - it is also very important to understand that you do not control everything in life, you need to relax and live for today, look at your feet, as the psychologist says. - and most importantly, let's support each other! Now I have about a month left before giving birth, I’m still worried, my sleep hasn’t improved... it was already better, I even slept through the night a couple of times a week, then I don’t sleep again, but everything is somehow changing, my attitude to the situation is changing, the main thing is to stop being afraid of this feeling, accept it, like a nasty anxiety has come, well, to hell with you! You got me! It can't get any worse! You can't scare me! Treating anxiety is two steps forward, one step back. All the time in waves. But they go from 10-point (figuratively), to 6-point, and less often, less often... Girls, write who experienced this, how your birth went, I’m very afraid of panicking during the birth itself and being inadequate! How is the baby feeling, did you feel better after giving birth, everyone says that you will give birth and it will become easier, is that true? How did you save yourself? What helped you? It’s very scary that I won’t have the strength to take care of the child, that I’ll be indifferent to him, I can barely lift myself up, I still go to work, it’s distracting, I’m very busy at home. I live in thought - I’ll give birth and finally I’ll be able to take pills! Because sometimes it’s so hard, I don’t have the strength to endure.. Hold on! All this will pass! It just takes time and an intelligent approach to solving the problem. You are not alone and you are definitely not going crazy!