La pandemia nos ha hecho más sensibles a las

For over a year now, we have existed in a world where isolation and social distancing are synonymous with physical safety and survival. Experts say the emotional fallout and lessons to come are linked to collective trauma. As the U.S. vaccine rollout continues, the normalization of quarantines across the country faces another “new normal”: reopening and resocialization.

While I recognize that this is progress, it feels different than I thought it would. I'm in no rush to reconnect with everyone I've lost touch with since the start of this pandemic. In fact, I feel protective of all the space I've created for myself during this time.

I'm not alone: In an informal Instagram poll, I asked my followers if their physical or emotional boundaries have changed since the pandemic began. Of the nearly 3,000 people who responded to the survey, 97% said yes. (“A boundary is a statement of needs or wants that sets the stage for parameters and expectations for how you should be treated in your relationships with others,” explains therapist, relationship expert, and author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace, Nedra Glover Tawwab.)

As soon as I posted the survey, stories about toxic friendship breakups, Zoom burnout, and overbearing texts flooded my inbox. To give you an idea of how some of us are doing, here's a short list of things that my Instagram followers say are upsetting or alarming as we emerge from the pandemic: people standing too close in lines, people putting too much pressure when asked about your vaccination status, small talk, pressure to join work after work Zoom, non-consensual hugs, physical contact in general, face masks, lack of face masks, eye contact and "Be perceived."

After further research, I learned that this struggle over boundaries comes down to the fact that we all have different needs and find it difficult to express them. This may always be true to some extent, but the pandemic has required all of us to reform our daily routines and priorities, and our boundaries have inevitably shifted due to the collective trauma we have experienced.

“Collective trauma is a type of trauma that a specific group of people experiences as a result of having a single identity,” explains Columbia University professor, therapist, and intergenerational trauma researcher Marielle Buquet, Ph.D. “It either happens to people because they're part of a marginalized group, for example, or it happens to people who live in the same geographic area and have all been involved in trauma in some way. The pandemic is one of those events that qualifies as collective trauma."

According to Buquet, anyone who experiences trauma becomes gentle and more aware of their boundaries. "They become more emotionally raw, more attuned to their internal needs and their external boundaries," she explains. “So a lot of what we're seeing in terms of borders has to do with this new threshold and this new window of tolerance.”

How to deal with this? “Everyone experiences trauma differently,” warns Glover Tawwab. “Some people will run towards others, and others will run away. Friends and family may think it's important to talk about how their children are doing or what's going on with their partners, but this can be very overwhelming for people who are already going through so much. So we have to have a certain level of grace and forgiveness.”

We all have the opportunity to improve our communication with each other, as well as our understanding of everyone's needs. With that in mind, here are four actions that can double as acts of self-help:

State your boundaries loudly
As we move forward towards opening up society, it is clear that some boundary violations are inevitable. For example, if you are no longer isolated, you will find it difficult to avoid being perceived and you may not be able to do anything about it. But if someone is standing too close for your comfort, you can protect your space, says Glover Tawwab.

If you are a person who enjoyed hugging people, but non-consensual hugs no longer bring you pleasure, it is important to let people know. It could be as simple as, "Hey, I'd appreciate it if you asked me next time before you hug me." Protecting your boundaries isn't just part of self-care; this may give the other person the opportunity to say their own name.

Reach out without strings attached
Remember that communication can be meaningful even if it doesn't lead to a conversation or planned plans. Sometimes even “How are you?” can be overwhelming. Instead, Glover Tawwab suggests starting with a reminder of support. Try: “I care about you and love you.”

"I think when you start with that, people are more open to really telling you how they're doing," she says.

Ask for more contacts if you need it
If you're someone who would like more contact with friends and loved ones, again, "it's important to tell people what you need," explains Glover Tawwab. “Sometimes people don't know you want to be contacted more often because they don't want it. Don't think that people forget about you because they can act in what is best for them and it really may not have anything to do with you. You can tell people, “Calling me is okay. I would like to hear from you more often. Please call me twice a week." You can say so."

Practice patience
Will we be like this forever? According to experts, there is a lot of hope if we are patient. According to Buquet, we first need the “initiator” of collective trauma, which in this case is a pandemic, to weaken people’s emotional capacities so that they return to the baseline levels they were at before the initial trauma. Then people will begin to “experience themselves as people who are recovering and functioning in the same way as before.”

“While some of the social changes we experience will be permanent, they will be by choice as we apply new ideas about how we can exist more effectively and safely,” Buquet says. So yes, we will be different, but there is room for greater understanding and acceptance.

Source: vogue.com